Choosers of the Slain. They are a team of Viking ladies on horseback. Well not exactly ladies. Warrior maidens led by feisty Freya.

If you are a handsome warrior strutting your stuff on the battlefield, watch out for forty raving beauties on flying horses descending upon the pitch. We do mean raving. The Valkyries shriek, howl and cause total confusion. Why? Because they can grab any warrior they fancy, and take him away. There is only one rule; the bewildered chump or champion must be dead first.

So you must fight for your life, because if you fail you could be scooped up by one of the delighted long-legged Valkyries with flowing blonde hair and borne off to Valhalla the Hero’s Heaven.

There you will be forced to feast, force down gallons of mead, and fornicate all night. Then fight fun battles all day. If you get sliced up you’ll be miraculously restored in time for the forced fun and frolics. Could you could cope with this? Oh dear — too late. You have just run onto a sword after a push by Valkyries shrieking “He’s mine!”

We have tried to get their side of the story, but so far only the following have come forward with their comments:

Brunhild : “I don’t want any more troubles thank you.”
Geirskögul : “No comment.”
Göll : “I am she of the Awful Wailing.”
Gondul : “I am really skilled at handling a magic wand. I could easily be a drum majorette.”
Gunnr : “No prattle — just battle.”
Herfjoturr : “I’m known as Freeze With Horror. I can paralyze guys with the use of my magic links. Do you like being handcuffed? Hey, where are you going?”
Hild : “I just do collections from the battlefield. Keep the place tidy.”
Hladgunnr : “I set traps. Want to see my equipment?”
Hlökk : “No comment. I don’t want to hlock you.”
Hrist : “I’m a Brandisher of Weapons.”
Geirönul : “No comment.”
Gudrun : “Nothing to say.”
Kara : “Me? I’m just a Swan Maiden.”
Mist : “Just call me Torpor. I do the Big Sleep.”
Radgridr : “The truce, the whole truce, and nothing but the truce.”
Róta : “No comment.”
Skeggöld: “Axe me no questions.”
Skogul: “I’m all shook up.”
Skuld: Just a part-timer
Thrud: “Bash! Pow! Thrud!”

The shining splendor of their armor as they ride across the early morning sky is what causes the Aurora Borealis. You’ve got to admire their dedication.

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Article last revised on September 22, 2018 by Rowan Allen.
Editors: Peter J. Allen, Chas Saunders

References: Coming soon.

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