One of the most celebrated of all saints, Christopher was a Canaanite not a car driver (those 3rd Century pedal cars were rubbish!).

Big and strong, his job was a human ferryman carrying travelers on his back across a fast flowing river using his long pole to avoid the deep bits. One day he picked up a small child, and halfway over the turbulence increased and the infant seemed to keep increasing in weight.

“How come you’re so heavy kid?” he asked. The tot replied: “Well, I’m the infant Jesus and I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.”

Fortunately for Christianity (and motorists) they reached the other side after an exhausting struggle. We assume the tot tottered off after telling our Saint to plant his staff in the ground. Next morning it was growing leaves and fruit. So conversion seemed the right way to go.

The word spread and the King of Lycia came with four hundred bowman to jeer at the Ferryman and use him for target practice, but they all missed, and one arrow did a boomerang turn and hit the king in the eye.

So they beheaded our hero, but when his blood was spilt the king’s eye was restored, converting him, and presumably the four hundred bowmen to Christianity.

For some reason, Christopher has been removed from the Roman Catholic Saints Calendar, despite offering the ever-popular Patron Saint of Travelers service and and bonus extra protection for Toothache and Epilepsy. The fact that he is merely legendary is no excuse, considering some of the other figures to grace the calendar. Perhaps they thought he was just too good to be true.

But as millions and millions of people use his image on medallions of protection, feel free to ignore this and choose who you wish.

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Article last revised on April 07, 2019 by the Godchecker data dwarves.
Editors: Peter J. Allen, Chas Saunders

References: Coming soon.

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